A Glass Puzzle

Pieces of life
Are strewn
All over the floor
I try to pick
Them up
Place them back
Together.
They're like glass
They cut me
I bleed
Momma stands over
Me.
She says
You can't do it!
She screams.
I close my eyes
I reach for
Another piece
Take a deep breath
Feel it slice
I can do it,
I think
I will do it!

In My Dreams

Last night I drempt of you. It was a beautiful dream. I woke up with a smile and thought of it again and again. I wanted to remember it just the way it was. It was Emily's birthday and we were having a party in the Elementary school gym. We were all dressed up in tuxes and fancy dresses. We didn't know half the people there but I didn't care because you were my date. You looked so grown up in your tux. For a second, you looked so mature and serious but then I blinked and you cracked a smile. It was the same goofy smile that used to make my heart turn over in my chest. I looked down at my white, silk gloves and blushed.
Emily, you, and I sat at one of the small round tables that filled the gym. We ate off of crystal plates and drank from wine glasses. We toasted to Emily's birthday and everything seemed to shine, ecspecially your eyes when you looked at me. There was music playing but no one was dancing. You stood up from your chair and pulled on my hand. I shook my head. You looked in my eyes and I had never saw you look at me that way. Your eyes traveled all the way to my soul and before I knew it we were on the dance floor. Just you and me. You twirled me around and dipped me. You wispered in my ear and my laughter joined with the music. Then there was that moment, the one where time stops. The moment where nothing else in the world could possibly matter. My face was ever so close to yours, the breath in my chest almost non-existant. I felt everything I'd ever felt for you right then. I think if I would have died in that moment I would have no regrets. You touched my face with tenderness that I ever thought could come from you. My eyes locked with yours and we seemed to somehow draw near without moving. You kissed me. My head spun, my heart turned over, and I seemed to have left my body completely. Then, I woke up.
I sat up in bed. The dream still fuzzy in my head. My heart still racing. I smiled to myself. I knew that nothing but a dream could ever turn out that amazing. If you would even give me the time of day, I think I would die. I laughed. I was glad though. If there was no you, no boy that had got away, then maybe I wouldn't have dreams so incredible. I knew that I would never tell you but thats what makes us special. The fact that you are really just my fantasy boy and I am just living in a beautifully created dream. So tonight, when I lay my head down and start to doze off to sleep, I'll wonder where will you take me now.

Emily and Me before prom my sophomore year. 

Butterfly Eyes

for chuck, my childhood love and my best friend still

A passing glance,
A golden stare,
Your bright smile,
Your soft brown hair,
A thousand words,
But none to speak,
A floating kiss,
To place on your cheek,
A special look,
In your eyes,
And we both know,
There are no lies,
I steal a look,
Just to feel,
The sudden butterflies,
That seem to be real,
I feel them flutter,
And I can't breathe,
As I wish for things,
That cannot be,
I brush your arm,
To feel your touch,
But then I pull away,
The feelings too much,
I let my eyes talk,
As I look deeply at you,
Because no matter what,
They see the truth,
And you see it too.

Craving You

Dying to touch your face
Your voice teases me
Your to far away
But I'm still trying to reach
I crave your lips upon mine
To feel that feeling
You make me feel inside
I lie awake and see you
Imagine your with me
Feel that all of this
Is not just a dream
I wish to feel your gentleness
To float away from everything
Overflowing with happiness
Waiting to hear something
Strain to hear in the dark
I jump when you speak
I hope that with every breath
That my love you will keep
Forgive me if you will
My heart beats in your name
And will continue to still
All the same.

Learning About Life

In fourth grade, my teacher, Mr. Price, handed back our math worksheets. I stared down at the paper in disbelief, D! My first D. Sudden anger rose up inside me, I grabbed the paper and shoved it in my book. Then, I threw the book as hard as I could into my desk. Mr. Price looked up from his desk, not very far away from mine. His eyes blazed. “What is your problem?” he yelled fiercely. “Nothing,” I replied, sulking. “You need to get your attitude adjusted very quickly, Miss Morgan,” he snapped. I felt my eyes well up with tears. You wouldn’t be doing well in school either if your parents woke you up every night fighting and screaming, I thought to myself. I worried about what was going to happen. He didn’t know that, though, and I wasn’t about to confide in him. I wiped at the tears on my face and sat up straight.
After mom and dad got a divorce, we were only allowed to see dad on the weekends. He moved into the new house that we had just bought. It was so cold that winter. Dad, my brother, and I all slept in one bed because dad didn’t have any furniture yet. Dad made us laugh, though, until we went home on Sunday night. He hugged us goodbye at the door and told us to have a good week. He would think about us. Tears trickled down my face. I didn’t try to hold them in anymore. I couldn’t look mom in the eye for a long time.
When I was fourteen years old, I watched my mom drink more than I had ever seen. One night as she started in on the large 32 pack of beer, we got into a fight. It was about something stupid. I can’t actually remember what it really was. It was something that made the mouthy teenager in me strike out. I screamed at her until my voice was hoarse in my throat. She grabbed me, pinned me down on the bed, and in that moment I realized how valuable life really is. As soon as she let me up, I hitch-hiked to the next town and stayed the night at my boyfriend’s house. I never wanted to go home.
In my senior year of high school, I had made all the necessary arrangements to go to Eastern Illinois University. Shortly afterwards I was offered a full scholarship to a community college. I wrestled with both ideas, trying to figure out what to do. I asked dad. He said he was so proud of me and he would support me no matter what I decided. I asked mom. She said she just wanted me to know that she wouldn’t be handing me money all the time because I was going to be on my own now. I said thanks, mom.
One weekend of my freshman year of college at Eastern, I went home. I stopped by to see my mom and we talked for awhile. When I started to leave, she looked at me and smiled. “I miss you. You know you can come home anytime,” she said with tears in her eyes. I smiled back at her. I looked at the empty house and then down at the can of beer in her hand, shook my head, and walked away.

Some Days, These Days

Some days no matter how beautiful everything seems to be
I still feel sad on the inside of me
Some days no matter how many people I’m surrounded by
I still feel all alone inside

I’ll go to my favorite place I know
And put on our favorite songs
Let the tears trickle down my face
And stay there all day long

Some days all I want to be is included in the crowd
But I always find myself shut out
Some days all I want is someone to sit and share my company
But in the end, there is no you, only me

I’ll look out my window today
And search for something new
But in my head I know
I’m only looking for you

These days they say cannot last forever
And I pray that they are right this time
For someday you will come back to me
And plead to only be mine.