I Can't Even Cry Today

I can't even cry today
There was a time in life
I felt I could change the world
But the harder I tried
The more I got beat

I can't even cry today
Like I thought I could change
All these things
But I'm losing more all the time
Now I want to give up

I can't even cry today
I think maybe I'll disappear
Without you this time
While shame eats me up
And I'll be gone

I've been searching for you
Begging someone to find you
But tonight I sat alone
I slept alone
And I woke up alone today...
I can't even cry today.

Love Masters Me

tumbling and rolling down my skin
I want to be quiet but my tears are so loud
tell me you can hear everything now
making sense to the whole world
bold and new
the skyline is dark and sharp
but I want to go anyway, walking
steps echoing off now
turn this way
I'm going to write page after page
until I have nothing left
no more emotion
no feeling
love makes me hate the things I can't have
I can't be careful with anything
I want it to stop now
I don't want
to love
anymore
any less
at all...

Honestly...

~Things on my mind~

There are things I have to say. Things that have to stop being lies. I want to quit lying to myself and say what I really want inside. I want you to go. I want you to depend on yourself for awhile. I want to be on my own. I want space, lonliness, and longing. I always want to be your friend even if it kills me inside. I want you to try and be with someone else...because I think it would help you understand a lot of things about us and me. Sometimes in our relationship, I'm the adult..and your the child...but you have to learn to be the adult too. Forever..isn't real...it's just a word that people try to place on relationships. You don't understand a lot of things I say or do and that is something that will probably never change..I know myself finally and that's one thing in life that's the hardest to do...but I'm not scared or ashamed..I'm just being honest..after all this time...I thought that we were on the same page when I came home this summer when I heard you say that we would probably go our seperate ways after summer was over..so we could concentrate on school..not so much on our relationship...I'm not good at long lasting relationships...I like to leave when I please...but I'm never good at being alone...I know that's one thing I have to learn to do...so time apart will be good for me and for you...this isn't goodbye forever..because like I said..Forever is just a word.